Saturday, July 08, 2006

>Subject: Thermodynamics of Hell by Mr. Paul Masoni, a former undergraduate

>
>Thought you'd enjoy the rationale of some students!
>
>The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
>chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was so "profound" that
>the
>professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of
>course, why
>we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
>
>
>Here is the "Bonus Question" on the exam:
>
>Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of
>the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools
>when
>it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
>
>
>One student, however, wrote the following:
>
>First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
>need
>to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
>they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets
>to
>Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
>
>As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
>religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
>that if you
>are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
>
>Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
>belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls will go to
>Hell.
>
>
>With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
>in
>Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
>volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
>temperature and
>pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
>proportionately as souls are added.
>
>
>This gives two possibilities:
>1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
>enter
>Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all
>Hell
>breaks loose.
>
>
>2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
>Hell,
>then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So
>which is it?
>
>
>If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa (a girlfriend of mine
>during my Freshman year) that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I
>sleep with
>you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night,
>then
>number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has
>already frozen over.
>
>
>The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
>follows
>that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
>extinct...leaving
>only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains
>why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
>
>
>THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

1 Comments:

Blogger vandub said...

Oh if only I could have responded to a folan exam in such a way.....of course I doubt that answer would have landed me an "A" in folan's eyes.
Brilliant.

8:56 AM  

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