Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Anti - Chuck Wednesday

1. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He lies awake in regret.
2. Chuck Norris is currently suing ABC, claiming Hope & Faith are trademarked names for his left and right breasts.
3. The chief export of Chuck Norris is diarrhea.
4. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may not realize how much he's actually aged.
5. Chuck Norris attempted to count to infinity. Backwards. He didn't know where to start.
6. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the chance of success. Chuck Norris wanders around aimlessly with a gun.
7. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK-47. The gun. It is compatible only with bullets. Chuck Norris is full of holes.
8. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Grand Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man drives a fucking Jeep.
9. There is a double chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. No wonder he doesn't shave.
10. Chuck Norris once took a kick to the balls and didn't flinch. Chuck Norris does not have balls.
11. Chuck Norris was born Chuck Stevens but took his wife's name when they were married.
12. Chuck Norris once backed out of Celebrity Boxing, fearing the wrath of Gary Coleman.


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